El Hefe today, finally one may add, definitely showed who is the captain of vessel a2id. A new set of rules have been laid down, including, but not limited to, the mandatory wearing of leather outfits covering no less than 90% of the body, holster-fitted stainless steel lubricant containers, cuffs, butt pluggs, Blue Oyster condoms and some other commonly used items in circles as this one.

Some half assed protests were first voiced over the new policy, but they were quickly silenced by the efficient use of a vast supply of gag balls.

The new policy will be evaluated after the weekend, when all superficial wounds have been taken care of and members start walking again.

Writing member presentations turned out more difficult than I thought. So to solve the problem I first thought about just deleting all users from the database. Not being the brightest of ideas, although it would have been a rather creative solution, I just made something up instead. So, here we go with the next member presentation: Rallaren.

Not only is rallaren the backbone of lameness in a2id, but he is, which is not commonly known by the public, one of the greatest names ever in rap. Here seen to the left with his two homies DMC and Jam Master Jay. After having achieved pretty much what there was to in music, he moved on to other projects. One of the failed ones included writing a book entitled “Yo! 101 milk drinks you’ve gotta try.”

Pulitzer turning in his grave, Rallaren decided to look for other endevours. On his nation wide search for purpose, he hooked up with a fat guy on a pole in King River with whom he would engage in a long term relationship in a very non-homoerotic way. Mostly at least.
Together with his King River buddy, he began the rise to fame through online gaming. Rarely has the world seen a more dedicated and influential duo, who had a tremendous impact on the tone and content of online gaming communities. Suddenly it was transported to a completely different level. Gejj.

Rallaren have that certain quality of taking gaming very seriously, without letting it show in the least. When you listen to him speak he does so in a very relaxed way and he is always to the point. Gejj and Saer, two phrases coined by Rallaren, almost over night removed the need for lenghty in-game smacktalk. He made it possible to completely write people off in-between two fired bullets.

Rallaren is now basically riding on his fame, and is looking into other projects. Only god knows what. He also enjoys fishing. Below is a photograph of one of his recent catches.

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Stay tuned for the next member in line to be presented.

Blackie owns Volvo, after having won it in a game of strip poker against P-G Gyllenhammar and his side kick Soren Gylf (means “Zipper”) back in 1984, and is as such the most successful online gamer in the history of online games in terms of monetary assets. He’s also packing.

Being financially independent, he quit his day job as a desk clerk at the Volvo depertment of finance and spent all wake hours exploring how to get the biggest thrill out of life. After inevitably turning to drugs, as rich and bored people eventually do, he surprisingly found out it had to be mostly pink My Little Pony collectibles. Something, somewhere deep inside him suggested he might have made a mistake somewhere, but it wasn’t until years later it finally dawned on him. The ponys being a much needed wake up call, Blackie soon after quit his fake rockstar-like life of drugs and pool parties at Hefner’s mansion and began a journey to find the true meaning of his 1984 victory.

At the time when Blackie came out of the fogs, legendary id Software released Quake and with it the beginning of strafe jumping. Blackie, who had always been a sucker for choreographed dancing and fancy moves, immideately realised what this could mean for him. He had finally found something worth spending his time on. Perfecting his skills, it wasn’t until some ten years later he deemed the world ready.

The world was taken with storm, and he was at once inducted as an honorary member and later semi-elected president of the prestigious online gaming phenomenon “addicted 2 id” – A2ID.

What he had found out and perfected was how to perform miraculously beautiful strafe jumps without letting it influence his success in online games. No one has ever come close to his skills, and he remains to this day a true legend. Hail to the king, baby!